Till Death Do Us Part
by Christine M. Greenleaf
Summary: Both the Joker and Harley Quinn's lives are thrown into utter chaos when a woman appears claiming to be Mrs. Jeannie Napier, the Joker's wife before his accident.
1. Chapter 1

**Till Death Do Us Part**

The clown laugh alarm went off, and was abruptly silenced as the Joker reached under his pillow, ripped out his gun, and shot the clown in the face. He muttered in his sleep, dropping the gun to the floor and rolling over to try to get comfortable again. This was difficult as the bed was covered in various toys – stuffed animals, whoopie cushions, rubber chickens, and other gag items, but he found an awkward space in between these and tried to drift off. Harley Quinn, who was sleeping next to him, suddenly sighed and cuddled up next to him, flinging her arm across him and straddling his leg. He grunted in annoyance, shifting position again and knocking some of the toys onto the ground as he shoved her arm off him. He was dropping off to sleep when Harley figeted again, replacing her arm across his chest and sighing happily. He opened his eyes, irritated, and pushed her arm away again. It fell back instantly. He groaned, lifting his wrist and glancing sleepily at his Batman watch.

"Time to get up, Harley," he muttered, shaking her gently.

She didn't respond except to murmur and snuggle against him. With a sigh, he suddenly shoved her off the bed. She hit the floor with a bang and muttered, "Ow."

"I said time to get up!" he snapped. "Now go and make me my coffee, you useless waste of space," he said, adjusting his position again and shutting his eyes.

Harley sighed heavily, rubbing her eyes and struggling slowly to her feet. "Yes, puddin'," she yawned. She saw him curled up in bed and beamed, climbing back onto the mattress.

"Morning, Mr. J," she breathed, bending down to kiss him tenderly.

"I said coffee, you dumb blonde!" he shouted, shoving her violently away from him. "You deaf and stupid?!" he demanded, rolling over.

"Aw, puddin', I love you too," sighed Harley. She ruffled his hair fondly, and he punched her.

"Coffee!" he shouted. "Now!"

"Sure thing, puddin'," she whispered, still smiling at him despite the pain in her jaw. She bent over and kissed his cheek, and then skipped out of their room and down to the kitchen. She whistled as she turned on the coffee machine, looking out the window at the beautiful morning breaking over Gotham City. "What a pretty day!" she exclaimed to no one in particular. "You just can't be grumpy on a morning like this!"

She whistled happily as she took the mugs and returned to their bedroom. "Here ya go, puddin'," she said, placing his mug on the nightstand and kissing his forehead. "It's a beautiful morning out there. Ya wanna…rise and shine?" she whispered, cuddling against his back as she slid her hand up his leg.

He pushed her off. "Not in the mood," he muttered. "Sleep now."

"Aw, c'mon, puddin'," she whispered, straddling his leg again. "Doncha wanna rev up your Harley?"

She began making _vrooming_ noises as she rubbed herself against him. "Harley, get off!" he snapped. "I'm trying to sleep!"

"Thought you said it was time to get up, Mr. J," said Harley, puzzled. "Well, that's what I'm trying to do. Get ya up," she said, reaching for him again.

"I meant it was time for you to get up and make me coffee!" he shouted, shoving her hand away. "Now just sit there and drink yours quietly and let Daddy sleep, ok, pumpkin pie?" he said, rolling over again.

"Ok, Mr. J," said Harley, leaning against the pillows. She stared at him as he slept, beaming in happiness at how gorgeous he was like this.

"Stop staring at me," he muttered.

"Aw, but you're so cute, puddin'," she whispered, kissing his cheek.

"It's creepy!" he snapped. "Just stare at the wall, would ya?"

She obeyed, but still snuck glances at him, smiling. He sighed heavily at last, opening his eyes and rubbing them. "What have I ever done to deserve you?" he muttered, glaring at her as he sat up.

"Aw, puddin', that's how I feel about you too!" sighed Harley, kissing him.

He chugged down his coffee and then stood up. "Just gonna get a shower, kid."

"Sure thing, Mr. J," she said, following him. He slammed the bathroom door in her face and she shrugged. "He should say a shower without me if that's what he means," she reasoned, crawling back into bed and finishing her coffee.

"Puddin'? You wanna come back to bed and take a ride on your Harley?" she asked as he emerged from the bathroom later with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Thought you had housework to do this morning," he snapped, going over to his closet and pulling out his suit. "Why don't you go do that? I got a meeting later I gotta get ready for."

"Aw, but puddin', wouldn't you rather have some playtime with your little girl?" she asked, holding up one of the toys. "I got the whoopie cushion."

"Maybe later," he muttered, dressing. Harley sighed heavily and climbed out of bed. Mr. J was stubborn, but then so was she, she thought with a grin. He won the battle this time, but she wasn't about to stop fighting the war.

She dressed too, and while he went off to his study, she entered the living room and plugged in the vacuum cleaner. She turned it on, and then turned on the radio. She sang along happily as she ran the vacuum across the rug. It switched to a song she really liked and she squealed, climbing up on the table and strumming the vacuum head like an imaginary guitar and banging her head in time to the music.

"_She said we gotta hold on to what we got, it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not – we got each other, and that's a lot, for love, we'll give it a shot. WOAAH, we're halfway there, WOOOAHH, living on a prayer – take my hand, and we'll make it, I swear..._Woooahh!" she shrieked as she suddenly fell off the table. The Joker had been distracted by the noise and entered the room to tell her to shut up, but had seen the situation and thought it would be funnier to sneak up behind her and push her off the table. He was now laughing hysterically at the joke while Harley lay on the ground, hissing in pain.

"It ain't…funny, Mr. J," she growled, struggling to sit up.

"Yeah, it is, kid," he murmured, grinning at her. "It's always funny when someone gets hurt."

She glared at him and tried to get up, but he suddenly shoved her back down on the floor, kissing her tenderly. "You do make me laugh, Harley, you know that?" he whispered, smiling at her. "Because you're pathetic, of course, but it's still funny."

"Yeah, Mr. J?" she whispered, beaming at him. "I'm funny?"

He chuckled. "_You're_ not funny, you dumb blonde," he murmured, slapping her across the face. She shrieked and he laughed again. "But sometimes the noises you make are."

"Oh…Mr. J!" she breathed as he climbed on top of her. Things were going to escalate very happily for Harley when the doorbell suddenly rang. She sighed heavily as Joker slowly climbed off her.

"Ain't it always the way? You get in the mood and company shows up," he muttered, heading down the hall with Harley skipping after him. "Might have to acid whoever it is in the face for this, Harl," he giggled as he put his hand on the door.

"Mmm, it'll be just the thing to get the mood back," giggled Harley, hugging him tightly as he opened the door.

A woman stood there, very pretty, but with a tremendous sadness in the depths of her big, brown eyes. "Hiya, toots, what can I do ya for?" asked Joker.

She stared at him. "I'm…uh…looking for someone," she whispered in a soft voice.

"Sorry, sweetheart, I ain't the greatest at finding missing persons - just making 'em go missing!" chuckled Joker. "Killed someone close to you, have I? Husband? Boyfriend? Kid?"

"No," she said, quietly. "No…I thought for a long time my husband was dead but…but now I don't think…he is."

She let out a sob, clapping a hand to her mouth. "Oh, Jack!" she whispered. "It is you!"

She shoved Harley out of the way suddenly, racing to hug him. "Oh, I wasn't sure for a long time, but now that I see you, in the flesh, and hear your voice, and your laugh…"

She gazed up at him with tears in her eyes. "Doncha recognize me, Jack?" she whispered.

"Erm…no," he stammered, puzzled. "And I'm the Joker, toots – I dunno who this Jack is…"

"He's you," she whispered. "Before your accident, that was your name. Jack Napier. You gotta try to remember, Jack…I'm here now, and I'll help you…"

"And just who the hell are you, toots?" he demanded.

She looked at him in surprise. "You really don't remember me, do you?" she whispered. She took his hand and smiled at him. "It's me, Jack. Jeannie. I'm your wife."


	2. Chapter 2

Joker stared at her. "Wife?" he repeated.

"Wife?" gasped Harley, horrified. She looked from Jeannie to the Joker and back. "But…but…no…that…can't be…"

It could be, of course - it was entirely possible that the Joker had been married before he became the Joker. Harley had often wondered if he was, but she had always concluded that it didn't matter. He was her Joker now – hers, and no one else's. But now as she saw another woman hugging her Joker, calling him her husband…she grew absolutely furious.

"Hey, back off, toots – he's mine!" she shrieked, shoving her out of the way and replacing herself firmly in Joker's arms. "Why should either of us believe you?! You could just be some crazy kook who wants my puddin', and so you make up some wild story that nobody can prove or disprove!"

"I…can prove it," she said, slowly, reaching into her purse. "I brought our marriage certificate and…our wedding photo," she said, holding two pieces of paper out to him. Joker took them and studied them, and so did Harley.

She saw a man who bore a striking resemblance to the Joker, but without the white face and red lips and green hair. He was smiling though, but it wasn't a crazy or mocking smile. It was a truly happy one, as he gazed adoringly at the woman in the wedding dress, who was very obviously Jeannie.

"We were only married for a year before you…disappeared," Jeannie murmured. "I didn't know where you'd gone – they said you'd fallen in with a bad crowd, but I didn't believe it. Then when you didn't come home that night, I…feared the worst. I looked everywhere. For years I held out the hope that you were alive…somehow. And then I was watching the news one day and I heard you speak and I realized that you…kinda sounded like Jack. And after that, it hit me that maybe you were Jack, just…lost somehow. And so I worked up the courage to come see you, face to face, and now…I'm sure of it," she whispered, smiling. "You are my Jack. You're alive. It's a miracle," she said, pushing Harley gently away again and burying herself in his arms.

Harley was too surprised to put up any resistance. Her surprise suddenly turned to heartbreak, and indescribable agony. This changed everything, she thought, as she looked at the woman in his arms. Tears came to her eyes as she looked at the Joker. "Puddin'?" she whispered. "Is it…true?"

Joker looked from Harley to Jeannie. "I don't…know, pooh," he stammered. "I don't…remember anything…before the accident. But it does look awfully like me, doesn't it?" he said, staring at the picture. He looked down at Jeannie, who was crying softly in his arms. "If it is true…you know all about me, doncha, toots? You can tell me all about who I really am…was…before I became the Joker."

"Yeah," she said, wiping her eyes and smiling gently at him. "Yeah, I can, baby. And I can help you, Jack. I can help you remember who you are, everything about your old life…me," she whispered, touching his face. "I can help you be good again," she murmured, bringing her lips up to his.

"Who says I wanna?" he snapped, shoving her away suddenly. "Whoever I was before, it can't be as much fun as being the Joker. I probably didn't have any style or sense of humor…and I definitely didn't battle the Bat. Who says I wanna give all that up?"

"I just thought…you'd wanna…for me," she stammered. "Because you love me."

He looked back at her. "Who says I love you?" he muttered. "I don't even know who you are, toots. You think you can just show up here and expect me to completely change my entire life for some dame I don't even know?"

"But you do know me, Jack," she whispered. "And you do love me, somewhere deep inside you, I know it. You made me a promise." She touched his face again. "To love and honor and cherish till death do us part. And…you're not dead, Jack. You're not dead after all!" she sobbed. "Oh God, it's such a relief!"

Joker stared at her, and then met Harley's eyes. Pain and anguish stared back at him. "M…Mr. J?" she whispered. "Do you love her?"

"Of course not, Harley, don't be stupid," he snapped, shoving Jeannie away again. "I don't love her! I don't love anyone! So just beat it, toots!" he snapped, shoving the papers back at her. "I'm happy with my life the way it is, and the last thing I need is some pushy dame bringing up a past I don't even remember and ordering me around! So listen to this, and listen good! I ain't gonna change for you or anyone else! The guy you were married too, this Jack Napier guy, he's dead, and I think you'd better get used to that idea, because if he is me, he ain't coming back! Now scram!" he shouted, about to shut the door.

"Jack…no…wait!" she cried, stepping forward. "I…I don't wanna lose you again, baby," she whispered, gazing at him with tears in her eyes. "I don't want anything from you, and I'm not asking you to do anything. I just wanna…talk to you. To try to help you. There can't be any harm in that, can there? Will you…will you talk to me, baby, if I give you my number? Will you give me a call?"

She held out a card to him. "Please, Jack," she whispered.

He didn't respond, but took the card from her, and then slammed the door in her face. He shoved it into his pocket and stormed off down the hall. Harley stared at the closed door for a moment, and then raced after him.

"Puddin'…" she began.

"I don't wanna talk about it, Harley," he growled.

"Well…I do, puddin'," she murmured softly. "Because if it's true…"

"It ain't true!" he snapped.

"But why would she lie?" murmured Harley, with tears in her eyes. "Why would she make up a story like that if she don't want anything from you?"

"I dunno, Harl – she's probably crazy or something," he retorted. "Probably went crazy after this guy Jack Napier died, and now she's subconsciously associating him with me for some reason. Maybe I killed him. You're a shrink, Harley – why don't you think of a reason?"

"But if it is true, puddin'…" she began again.

"You want it to be true?!" he demanded, rounding on her.

"Of course I don't, puddin'…"

"Then shut up about it!" he shouted. "Just leave me alone, would ya, you worthless dame?! I can't hear myself think with your annoying voice yammering at me," he muttered, about to storm off.

Harley stood firmly, trying not to break down in tears. She said, in as strong a voice as she could muster, "Mr. J, until this is…settled…I think I'd better go."

He froze. "What?" he growled, turning around.

She tried to remain calm. "I wouldn't feel…comfortable…living with a…a…married man. It just…wouldn't be right."

He approached her slowly, his face twisted in fury. "Right?" he muttered. "When have you ever cared about right when it comes to me? You mean to tell me that you're gonna let some lying dame drive a wedge between us? When nothing on earth, not the Bat, not the shrinks, not anyone, could ever make you leave me…you're gonna do it of your own free will because some broad comes to me with a fancy story and a picture? Is that what you're saying, Harley?"

"Y…yes, Mr. J," she stammered. "I ain't…the kinda girl who…gets involved with married men. And maybe you ain't a married man, but…until you're sure…I'd rather not…demean myself by…by…being a…mistress."

He struck her violently across the face. "Mistress?!" he shrieked. "Lemme tell you what you are, Harley, and what you've always been! A useless, annoying, irritating waste of space! A stupid, spoiled little brat who clings onto me relentlessly, and who I should've killed years ago! Yeah, go if you want, you ungrateful dame!" he shouted, storming off. "If the lying broad gets rid of you, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me!"

He entered his study and slammed the door. Harley gazed at it, holding back tears, and then suddenly broke down, falling to the ground and sobbing. She remained curled in the corner, crying for hours, but the Joker didn't emerge. At last she struggled to her feet, wiping her eyes but still crying, and went to their bedroom to pack.


	3. Chapter 3

That evening, he still hadn't left his study. She knocked on the door, suitcase in hand. "Mr. J?" she called. "I'm…going."

He opened the door and looked at her. "Where?" he muttered.

"Red's," she replied. "I explained the situation and she said she'd be happy to put me up for a couple days until I find my own place or this gets…sorted out. You can…call me there if you wanna," she added tentatively.

He nodded but said nothing. "You made dinner?" he demanded.

"Yeah, Mr. J, it's in the oven," she said.

He nodded again and was silent. Harley cleared her throat. "Well, I…gotta get going. Don't wanna keep Red waiting…"

"Stay," he muttered.

She gazed at him. "What?" she whispered.

"Stay," he repeated. "Just for tonight, I…want you to stay."

Harley gaped at him. She hadn't expected this. "I…I can't, puddin'," she stammered. "It wouldn't be right…"

"You ain't never cared about right before," he murmured. "Why now?"

She shut her eyes tightly, trying to hold back tears. "Mr. J, if you can't understand why things are different now…then I can't explain it to you. You've always been…my Joker. Mine and mine alone. But now there's…another woman in the picture. Someone who you…loved enough to marry. You've never loved me enough to do that," she added, smiling sadly.

"It's not about not loving you enough," he muttered. "It's about it being a stupid waste of my time to marry you. What's the point? We're already in a committed relationship – why would I want some ceremony to make it legal? I hate the law and everything to do with it. I would resent it butting into our relationship."

He took her hand. "Why would I ever need to marry you when I already know you'll never leave me?" he murmured. "At least…I thought I knew that."

"Mr. J…please don't do this," she whispered. "Please don't make me choose between my love for you and what I feel is right…"

"And you don't feel your love for me is right, is that what you're saying?" he asked quietly.

She gazed at him. "Not…anymore," she murmured. "Not if you're…another woman's husband."

He shook his head. "That dame's husband is Jack Napier. Even if I was him, I ain't anymore. I'm the Joker. And the Joker's just got his one and only dame. There ain't no joke with this Jeannie Napier. Not like there is with Harley Quinn," he whispered, touching her cheek.

"No…Mr. J…please," she murmured. "Please just let me go…"

He cut her off by kissing her tenderly. Harley let out a little moan and then dropped the suitcase, throwing her arms around his neck and crushing herself against him. He grabbed her around the waist and lifted her off her feet, and she wrapped her legs tightly around him, their mouths never seperating.

"Stay with me, Harley," he whispered when he drew away at last. "Please."

"Why…are you doing this to me?" she whispered, gazing at him with tears in her eyes. "Why are you torturing me like this, wanting me when you know I wanna leave you? It ain't funny, Mr. J…"

"I'll tell you what's not funny," he murmured. "Waking up knowing who are you and going to bed thinking you're somebody else. Waking up next to the dame you know will never leave you, and going to bed alone. Waking up with your gal begging you for sex, and going to bed with her saying kissing you is torture. It ain't…right, Harley," he muttered, lowering her to the ground and clutching his head. "My world ain't…right now. It's suddenly gone crazy. I don't even know who I am anymore. I might have…a past. I might have a wife who can tell me about that past, and I ain't sure I wanna know. I ain't sure I ever wanna be anything more than the Joker. If I remember too much about it, I might wanna…stop being the Joker. I might not have a choice. I don't know. But I am sure of one thing."

He took her hand. "I don't want you to leave," he whispered. "I need something to put a smile on my face. And since the Bat's not here, you'll have to do," he said, grinning.

She gazed at him with tears in her eyes. "If…this is how you get when I threaten to leave, Mr. J, I oughta threaten you more often," she whispered.

"Don't you dare threaten me, you useless waste of space, or I'll beat you into the ground," he retorted, smiling.

She grinned and kissed him. He returned it, sliding a hand onto the back of her costume and slowly pulling her zipper down. "N…no, Mr. J," she said, breaking away. "I couldn't…do that…with…with a married man."

He looked at her. "You don't want me, Harley?" he murmured quietly.

"Of course I do, puddin', but it just…wouldn't feel right."

He nodded. "I understand," he said, reaching for the buttons on his shirt. "So you're gonna refuse me?" he asked, pulling it open.

"Uh…uh huh," she gasped, staring at his bare chest in adoration.

He grinned. "Your choice, of course," he said. "I ain't the kinda guy who forces a dame to do stuff against her will."

He headed down the hall. "You can sleep on the couch tonight if you wanna, Harley. Probably too late to head to Pammie's anyway."

"Yeah…yeah, you're right, Mr. J, it is," said Harley. She gazed after him longingly, and then went to the living room. She spread a blanket on the couch and then opened her suitcase, pulling out her pajamas. She changed into these, and then curled up under the blanket, shutting her eyes.

She couldn't sleep. She couldn't get the image of his open shirt out of her head. For the first time in their relationship, he had offered, and she had refused. It was unheard of. Crazy. Nuts. But then she was too. But he was so…beautiful. It was stupid of her to refuse him like this, when he wanted her. He might not even be married. The whole thing might be a scam, or a mistake, or…no. No, she was going to be strong this time, she thought firmly, rolling over to face the cushions. This was her chance to prove to him, to herself, and the world that she was more than just his dumb floozy who would cater to his every whim. This was her chance to prove herself a strong, independent woman, a woman with pride, with self-respect. Someone Red would really admire. A woman with self-confidence, self-esteem, not a doormat at all. God, he was gorgeous, though. No! She was going to do the right thing, and be strong. Strong, just like his muscles – he was thin but toned, and she liked that. Never liked guys with too many muscles. Just one big one, she thought, grinning, which Mr. J certainly had…no! Couldn't think about that. Had to be strong. Had to be self-respecting. Had to be…

"Aw, the heck with it!" cried Harley, jumping to her feet and racing down the hall. She threw open the door to their bedroom and leapt upon him, and in a very few moments, he made her forget all about being self-respecting. And she couldn't have been happier.

Harley had dozed off afterward, with a beaming smile on her face. Joker remained awake, looking at her for a while, and then at the ceiling. Finally he stood up and slipped out of the bedroom, making his way to the living room. He picked up the phone and dialled a number.

"Hi, Jeannie? It's me."


	4. Chapter 4

"You slept with him?!" demanded Ivy the next day.

Harley looked uncomfortable. "Well…yeah, Red, he's my boyfriend…"

"He's also another woman's husband!" snapped Ivy.

"Oh, like you ain't never slept with a married man before!" retorted Harley angrily. "Anyway, he may not be! Dame can't prove anything, not really. The guy in the picture looks like him, but that don't mean it is him! And puddin' don't remember, so he's completely innocent!"

"Innocent?!" repeated Ivy. "He's clearly playing both of you behind your backs! I know how guys work, Harley! J's probably really happy with this fortunate turn of events – he probably thinks it's quite the joke! Now he's got two gals who want him, and I'm sure he's the kinda guy to take advantage of it…"

"He's not!" shrieked Harley, furiously. "Mr. J would never cheat on me!"

"He's cheating on his wife with you!" interrupted Ivy. "How can you trust a man like that, Harley?! And you're right, I have slept with married men before, but I didn't miraculously expect them to stay with me the morning after! The wife always wins, Harley! And if you think he's gonna dump her to be with you, you've got another think coming! If he had a shred of decency left in him, he'd do the honorable thing and insist that you leave until he figures out if he's married or not…"

"He…he can't, Red. He needs me," murmured Harley.

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Right. I've heard that line before from a lotta guys. 'I may have married her, Pammie, but you're the one I love – I need you! Once I get the divorce, I'm all yours.' But then do they get the divorce? Oh no! It's all 'Oh, there were complications.' 'Oh, the lawyer I want wasn't available.' 'Oh, she won't agree to it.' 'If you just wait for me, baby, I promise, I'll do it,' and then you come home one night to find him on the phone to her, and telling her that she's the one he wants and that he's going to break it off with you, and so you're forced to choke the life outta him with a rare breed of wisteria."

Harley stared at the fury in Ivy's face. "Wow…Red…that's a lotta rage there…"

"But I learned, Harley!" she continued, ignoring her. "I learned that you can't trust guys, especially married ones! I bet J's already called her up to tell her she's the one he wants! I bet she's on her way over to your place now so they can reconcile!"

Harley stood up angrily. "You're wrong!" she shouted. "Puddin' does love me, he does! And he don't want anything more to do with this other dame, who he don't remember, and he don't want, and he don't love! You'll see! I'm his one and only dame, always and forever!"

She stormed from Ivy's hideout and drove back to her own. She reached the front door and hunted for her keys, when suddenly the door opened and Jeannie stepped out.

Harley stared at her, shocked, and she looked equally shocked to see her. "Oh…it's you," Jeannie stammered. "I thought you had…gone."

Harley's surprise instantly turned to fury. "And why would I be going anywhere?" she demanded. "Mr. J ain't your husband no more, even if he ever was, which I don't believe. He likes blondes, for one thing," she said, glaring at her brown hair.

"Maybe the Joker does, but Jack doesn't," murmured Jeannie. "And he is Jack, deep down inside. I think he's slowly starting to realize that."

"Yeah, well, until he does, why doncha stay away from him?" snapped Harley. "I don't trust you, or your intentions towards puddin'. He's a great guy, and he don't deserve to be blindly manipulated by heartless women for their own selfish ends."

"No," agreed Jeannie, looking pointedly at her. "No, he doesn't."

She left without another word. Harley glared after her and then pushed open the door. She found the Joker in the living room, looking through a photo album.

"What the hell was she doing here?" demanded Harley, slamming the front door.

"I called her last night and asked her to bring some more pictures over," he said calmly, flipping a page. "Just to see if I recognize anyone in them."

"And do you?" she asked, leaning over to look at them over his shoulder.

"Nope," he said. "I didn't really think I would, but it was worth a shot, trying to jog the old memory…"

He trailed off as he flipped another page to reveal a photo of himself on a beach, dressed in a light suit and kissing Jeannie's cheek. The photograph had been taken in the middle of her laughing, and the look on both their faces was one of complete and utter happiness. The words written underneath the picture were _Our Honeymoon_.

Harley's heart broke again and she turned away, trying not to sob. He shut the album hastily and asked, "How's Pammie?"

"Fine," breathed Harley, wiping her eyes. "She told me to leave you."

"At least some things don't change," he said, grinning. She didn't.

"Maybe I should, Mr. J," she murmured.

"Aw, pumpkin pie, we've been over this…" he said, standing up and taking her in his arms.

"Why didn't you tell me you were inviting Jeannie over?" she whispered, gazing at him.

He shrugged. "I knew it would probably upset you, and it didn't seem important. She was just here to drop off the pictures."

"She didn't…do anything else?" asked Harley slowly.

"Had a drink," he replied, nodding at the glass on the table.

"Did you…talk about anything?" she asked.

He shrugged again. "Yeah. Nothing important though. At least, not that I can remember."

"You have a hard time remembering a lotta stuff, doncha, Mr. J?" she murmured.

He tilted her chin up to him. "Harley, tell me what's wrong," he murmured.

"Just something…Red said," she muttered. "She was involved with a married guy once who…tried to have both his wife and her. He kept playing them off each other, lying to both of them, and they both believed him for a long time. I just wanted to know if you told Jeannie anything about…going back to her or…getting rid of me," she murmured, gazing at him.

"You think I'd do that?" he asked quietly.

"No. But I'm sure Red didn't think her guy would do it either…"

"Yeah. But you ain't Pammie," he interrupted. "You're Harley Quinn. And I'm the Joker. You know me, baby. You know I don't want other dames…"

"I don't…know you, Mr. J," she whispered. "Not anymore…"

He kissed her. "I haven't changed, Harley," he murmured. "I'm the Joker, baby. I'll always be the Joker."

"You're also Jack Napier," she murmured. "You can't just forget about him, puddin', not if you have a wife…"

"Jesus Christ, I'm already sick of hearing his name!" growled Joker suddenly. "I don't even know the guy and I hate him! I ain't gonna be held responsible for something I don't remember doing, get me?!"

"But puddin'…"

"I don't wanna talk about it, Harley!" he shouted, seizing the photo album and throwing it across the room. "So just shut your useless mouth about Jack Napier! He's dead, and he ain't coming back!"

"So why do you keep talking to his wife?" demanded Harley.

"I'll do whatever I wanna!" he snapped. "I don't have to answer to her or you, get me?! I ain't married to either of ya!"

He stormed from the room and Harley gazed after him with tears in her eyes. Then she went over to pick up the photo album and began slowly turning the pages. Each time she saw a picture of the two of them, it was like being stabbed in the heart. They looked so happy together. At last she returned to the honeymoon photo, staring at it and feeling her heart crumble slowly into a million pieces. She broke down in tears, curled up on the sofa, and sobbed.


	5. Chapter 5

"You coming to bed?" he demanded, entering the living room later that evening. Harley was lying on the sofa in the dark. She hadn't moved from earlier, and she hadn't stopped crying.

"I ain't really that comfortable…sharing a bed with a married man," she whispered.

He sighed heavily. "Christ, not this again," he muttered. "Just make a decision one way or another, will ya, Harl, and stop all this nonsense! Just stay or go!"

She sat up slowly and turned to look at him with red eyes. "Do you wanna be with her or me?" she murmured.

"What kinda stupid question is that?" he demanded. "I asked you to stay! You wouldn't be here if I didn't wanna be with you – I would have shot you in the head ages ago!"

"So you ain't gonna see her again?" she whispered.

"I told you, I'll do what I wanna," he snapped.

"Not so easy to just make a decision one way or another, is it, puddin'?" she whispered, pulling her knees up to her chest and shutting her eyes.

He sat down next to her. "Harley, I'm just trying to figure all this out," he muttered. "You have to trust me. Imagine if you were in my place, and people had told you you'd done a lot of stuff you didn't remember, and were a completely different person who didn't act like you at all, and you didn't know if they were lying or not. How would you be able to reconcile that past with the person you are now? How would you be able to cope with being a stranger to yourself? It ain't easy, kid. But you're right, I can't just ignore it if I am this dame's husband. I mean, I'm evil and all, but that would just be mean. So I'm trying to figure out the truth, and the only way to do that is to talk to this dame and see if anything she says rings true. Something's gotta. And if it don't, then I can only assume she's lying. But the only way to find out is to talk to her. You understand that, right?"

"I don't…trust her, Mr. J," she murmured. "And what if…you are her husband? What if you've been cheating on her with me this whole time? What are you gonna do then?"

She looked up at him with tears in her blue eyes. He shrugged. "Get a divorce," he said.

"Yeah?" she whispered.

"Sure. I ain't gonna stay married to a dame I don't even know. I'll either get a divorce or kill her, whichever's easier. And with today's lawyer fees, I'm thinking the latter," he chuckled. "But you ain't got nothing to worry about, kiddo. This dame don't put a smile on my face like my Harley girl," he said, pinching her cheek affectionately.

She smiled and kissed him. "You just…looked so happy together, puddin'," she murmured, opening the photo album again. "You ain't never looked that happy with me."

"Harley, I look happy all the time," he murmured. "I'm the Joker – that's who I am. The insanely happy clown. You're the only one who's ever gotten to see behind the smile. You should be happy about that, and not be jealous of other women I may or may not have loved when I was a completely different person. You probably wouldn't even like this Jack Napier. He seems like a pretty nice guy, and I know you got a thing for homicidal men," he added, grinning.

"Yeah," she said, smiling at him. "I really do."

She kissed him tenderly. "You coming to bed?" he repeated.

"Mmm hmm," she said, holding out her arms to him. He sighed heavily.

"What's wrong with your legs, you dumb broad?" he muttered, picking her up.

"You did to me what you done to Barbara Gordon," whispered Harley, grinning.

"You wish," he retorted.

"I do," she murmured as he lay her down on the bed. "Tell me all about how you'd break my spine, Mr. J. Would you just shoot me, like you did with her?"

He chuckled, climbing on top of her. "Oh no, my bloodthirsty little minx, you wouldn't enjoy it like that! For you, baby, I'd break it with my bare hands, slowly. And you'd love every moment of it. The slow increase of pain, you screaming louder and louder until you think you can't take the agony anymore, and then the sudden, sharp crack…"

"Oh, Mr. J, I love it when you talk dirty!" she gasped, mauling his mouth and pulling him down to her.

She had fallen asleep in his arms, but woke up later when she heard a noise. It sounded like the click of the door. She sat up and realized that she was alone in bed – Mr. J had gone.

She pulled on her robe and slipped out of bed, opening their bedroom door a crack. She heard his voice coming from the living room. As she crept closer, she saw that he was on the phone.

"…I just wanna do this tonight. I can't wait any longer. Can I see you, Jeannie? Now? Ok, I'll be over soon."

He hung up the phone and headed for the door. She saw his silhouette in the light from the moon, slipping out of the front door. She hurried to the window to see him getting into his car and driving off.

She put her hand on the glass "Mr…J?" she breathed, gazing after the tail-lights longingly as they disappeared into the night.


	6. Chapter 6

"I'm sorry to drop by this late, Jeannie," said the Joker as he entered Jeannie's house. "I didn't know if you'd still be up."

"Oh, I don't…sleep very well anymore," she murmured softly. "Not since you…um…went missing. I kept lying awake thinking I'd hear the key turn in the lock, or the phone ring, and it'd be your voice on the other end. And tonight…it was," she said, beaming at him. "You've come home at last, Jack."

He didn't respond – just looked around the small but cozy house. "You lived here long?" he asked.

She nodded. "We bought it after we were married," she murmured. "Seems a long time ago now. But for the first time in ages, it finally seems like my home again," she whispered, gazing at him with tears in her eyes. She wiped them away. "Sorry…where are my manners? You want a drink, baby?"

"Yeah. Whatcha got?" he asked.

She went over to a cabinet. "I kept your favorite scotch for you, just in case you ever came back," she murmured, pulling out a bottle. Joker looked at it in surprise.

"Yeah…this_ is_ my favorite scotch," he said slowly.

She smiled. "Nice some things don't change," she murmured, pouring a glass for him.

He took the drink and sipped it as silence descended on them. "Just you here?" he asked at last.

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I'm still a married woman, so…y'know. It wouldn't have felt right to…live with anyone else. I could never break my wedding vows by cheating on you..." She looked up at him suddenly. "Sorry, baby, I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I wasn't accusing you of anything…you didn't remember you were married, after all, so you can't be blamed for having another girl…"

"Leave her outta this," said Joker quietly. "This ain't got nothing to do with her."

He sipped his drink again and laughed. "I actually came over expecting to see a couple kids the spitting image of me or something. We ain't got kids, right?"

"No," she said, staring at the floor. "No. I can't…conceive." She looked up at him. "We found out shortly after we were married. You told me it wasn't my fault and not to worry about it. And then you made a joke. You always knew how to make me laugh, Jack, even when things were bad," she whispered. "That's when it mattered most. I've missed that so much."

She wiped tears from her eyes again. "Sorry…I shouldn't cry. It's in the past, and there's nothing I can do to change it. It's just been so lonely since you left, Jack," she said, gazing at him.

"Ever thought about getting a cat?" he chuckled. "I know a dame who swears by 'em."

She looked at him. "It's so weird for me to think about you as the Joker, Jack. The guy who fights Batman, the terrifying, insane, murdering supercriminal…you've changed so much from the man you were."

"Well, it's weird of me to think about being this guy Jack," laughed Joker. "Tell me about him."

"Tell _you _about Jack?" she whispered. "Well…sure, baby. You were…the sweetest guy in the whole world. We…um…met at a dance. I was always pretty shy, but you came over to me and asked me to dance and…you were just so charming. And funny. I guess some things don't change. Anyway, you kissed me on the dance floor, right there in front of everyone. You said you were sorry for embarrassing me, but if you hadn't kissed me, you'd have exploded trying to fight it, and you assured me I wouldn't have wanted to be responsible for anything like that."

She smiled at him. "You asked me to marry you on top of the ferris wheel at the state fair, and you said if I refused you, you'd have to jump off because you'd have nothing left to live for. And I agreed because I wouldn't have wanted to be responsible for anything like that. I guess your jokes were always kinda morbid, but you didn't mean them, baby. You meant them to be sweet. You never would have hurt anyone. I think you just…got confused after your accident. Forgot that…that real pain and death wasn't funny. Stopped being able to tell the difference between a joke and reality."

"Maybe," he agreed, taking a sip from his drink. They were silent again. "So what's the game, toots?" he asked at last. "Even if I was this guy Napier, why would you want me like this? Unless you got a thing for clowns!" he chuckled.

She stared at him. "You're my husband," she murmured. "I want you no matter what you look like. That doesn't matter, Jack. All that matters is that we're together again, after all these years. You've come home to me. And you won't…leave me again, will you, Jack?" she asked quietly, gazing at him.

He finished his drink. "Ain't that simple, toots," he muttered. "Even if it's all true, I can't just give up my life and return to being a sweet, nice guy. It ain't who I am anymore. I got other commitments now."

"You mean her, don't you?" asked Jeannie, coldly. "Your little floozy…"

"I told you to leave her outta this," interrupted Joker. "I actually meant the Bat. How bored would he be if I just gave up the crime gig and returned to being a devoted husband? Couldn't do that to the poor kid, or to me. I get bored, Jeannie. That kinda life wouldn't satisfy me anymore."

"I wouldn't…satisfy you?" she whispered.

"Look, I'm sure you're a real nice dame," said Joker, nodding. "Attractive too, I ain't gonna lie. There must be a lotta guys who'd want a pretty gal like you. Why don't you go find one? Your husband, even if he was me, ain't coming back. He's dead."

"He's…not, Jack," she whispered, tears in her eyes. "He's standing right in front of me. Do you have any idea how much I've suffered since you left? Do you have any idea what it's like to lie awake every night and hope against hope that the man you love isn't dead? To realize with each passing year how slim that hope is until you just wish it would die? But that's the annoying thing about hope, Jack. It doesn't die. Even when you pray it would, so you'd be outta pain, it makes you cling on. And seeing you, right in front of me, home again, as you always should've been…it finally makes the pain go away, Jack."

"I don't wanna hurt you, Jeannie," he murmured. "You seem like a sweet kid, and if I really am Jack Napier, I loved you once. I loved you enough to marry you. And because of that, I'm trying to let you down gently. I want to do the right thing by my wife, if that's what you are."

He lay his hands on her shoulders. "I want you to forget about me," he murmured. "Or if it helps you, remember me as I was. But think of me as dead now, Jeannie. Pretend I am dead. Because I can't remember anything about you, or me, or my life before I was the Joker. And I ain't gonna try to relive that past. It's gone forever."

"You think I can just pretend, like some sort of game…" she began.

"Like a joke," he interrupted, smiling. "Because that's all life is, Jeannie. One big joke."

He tilted her chin up. "Now smile for me, baby. And let me go."

"No, Jack, please don't leave me!" she cried desperately, throwing herself into his arms. "I don't wanna be alone again!"

She sobbed, gazing up at him through tear-stained eyes. "You gotta remember me, baby," she whispered. "Please. Please come back to me, Jack."

She shoved her mouth onto his suddenly, kissing him passionately. Joker returned the kiss, trying to remember if she had kissed him before, trying to remember anything about this past relationship, this past life, where he was Jack Napier, where he had married Jeannie, where they had gone on their honeymoon and looked so happy in that picture…

"Stay with me tonight, Jack," she murmured, drawing away at last. "Let me be with my husband again, after all these years. Please?"

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, Jeannie. All right."

She beamed happily, taking his hand and leading him into the bedroom.


	7. Chapter 7

"Um…sweets, before we do this…can I ask you something?" asked Joker as Jeannie shut the bedroom door.

"Anything, baby," she murmured, smiling at him.

"Can you fix me a sandwich?" he asked.

She stared at him. "Sorry, I'm starving," he said. "I didn't get a chance to have dinner tonight, and Harley's a pretty terrible cook anyway. And I don't wanna be thinking about food when I should be thinking about you," he murmured, touching her face gently.

She beamed at him. "I'll make you something nice, Jack," she murmured, kissing him. "Don't go anywhere."

She left him. He listened to her footsteps disappearing down the hall and then immediately began looking around the bedroom. There were more pictures of the two of them in frames on top of the dresser and by the bed – he picked one up and studied it closely. There was something about these pictures that…wasn't right. Something about that honeymoon photo in particular that had bothered him ever since he had seen it. He had seen the picture before, fairly recently, except he hadn't been Jack Napier in it. And the woman hadn't been Jeannie. It had been Harley.

He had realized it suddenly while Jeannie was kissing him – there was a picture of him and Harley in that exact pose as their honeymoon photo, except they hadn't been on a beach. Him kissing her cheek, her in mid-laugh…it was when they had gone to that baseball game a couple months ago. The kissing camera had caught him in an uncharacteristic moment of affection. The photo had been smeared all over the ballpark, much to his annoyance, and he had been so angry revealing his tender side to the public that the image had been burned into his brain. But it was definitely the same picture as the honeymoon photo, just…changed.

He hunted around, searching under the bed and opening up the closet. He pushed the clothes aside and knocked at the back of the closet. He smiled. "Bingo," he chuckled, and he suddenly kicked hard at the wood.

It fell inward, to reveal a set of stairs with a door at the end of them. He opened this and entered a tiny room with a red light, and shelves lined with basins and chemicals. Hanging from a wire along the wall were several photos, in the process of being doctored. Photos of him and Harley, being turned into photos of Jack and Jeannie.

"Wow. And I used to think Harley was nuts," muttered Joker, studying them. "But this dame's a real psycho."

He grabbed one of the pictures and left the photo lab, climbing back up the stairs and into the bedroom, shutting the closet door firmly behind him. A few minutes later, Jeannie re-entered the bedroom with a grilled cheese sandwich.

"Here you go, baby," she said, kissing his cheek. "Now you eat that while I slip into something more comfortable."

"Wouldn't open the closet if I were you," he said, smiling.

She looked at him, puzzled. "What do you mean, Jack?"

He chuckled. "Still gonna keep calling me that?" he asked. "Still wanna keep up the joke? Because I don't know about you, but I think it's gotten pretty old."

"Jack, what are you talking about?" she asked.

He giggled. "Nothing, sweets. Why doncha go slip into something more comfortable?" he said, grinning.

She opened the closet, and her face fell in horror. "Oh my God…" she stammered.

"So you do have a thing for clowns, huh?" chuckled Joker, holding up the doctored picture. "Gotta say, toots, I'm really flattered. You went through all this trouble just to get me to sleep with you…"

"No, Jack, it's not like that," she stammered, turning to him with pleading eyes. "You have to believe me, I didn't want to have to do it…"

"Gotta hand it to ya, though, nice gag," continued Joker, ignoring her. "I admire anybody who can commit to a joke that much. I'm almost tempted not to kill you, but y'see, nobody tries to fool the Joker, sweets," he said, reaching into his jacket and pulling out his gun. "Nothing personal, baby, just a matter of principle. You understand."

"Jack, please, listen to me," she whispered, tears in her eyes. "Please. You are Jack Napier – you're my husband. The only thing I lied to you about is when I told you this was our house. It isn't. The house we bought together burned down in a fire, a fire that destroyed everything, all our pictures together, all our possessions, everything that could have helped you remember. And when I recognized you on the news, I knew you'd never believe I was your wife unless I had proof. So I had to make some. I was desperate – I would do anything to get you back."

"Well, that's real convenient, isn't it, toots?" asked Joker, quietly. "Everything destroyed in a fire…"

"You have to believe me, Jack!" she cried. "I wouldn't have risked lying to you if I wasn't desperate! You think I don't know what the Joker would do to me if he found out?"

She approached him and lay a hand on his cheek. "But you're not the Joker, baby," she whispered. "You're Jack Napier, and you still are, deep down inside. Please come back to me, Jack. Please."

He looked at her, and smiled suddenly. "You wanna know something funny, Jeannie?" he murmured. "I'm never gonna know the truth. You might be my wife, or you might just be some crazy nut. You might be telling the truth, or you might be lying. It's a gag I'll never know the punchline to. And that's…kinda funny, in its own way. But I'm sick of this Jack Napier gag. It's got old, and it ain't funny anymore. And you know what I do to things that ain't funny, doncha, Jeannie? What does the Joker do to things that ain't funny?"

"Jack, please…" she whispered, but she was cut off as he fired his gun into her chest. She staggered back, choking, as he fired all six rounds into her, laughing. She fell to the ground, gazing up at him with tears trickling down her face. "Jack…" she whispered, and then her eyes went glassy.

Joker kept chuckling, bending over the body. He kissed her gently. "Till death do us part, baby," he giggled. "Buh bye!"

And he strode from the room, laughing.


	8. Chapter 8

Harley awoke alone, to hear the sounds of the TV coming from the living room. She yawned and stretched, and then she suddenly remembered what she had heard and seen last night. She felt a mixture of fury and agony as she stood up and went down the hall to the living room, to see the Joker seated on the sofa, watching TV and munching on a bowl of chocolate cereal.

"Good morning, pumpkin pie!" he said, beaming as he noticed her. "How did my little pooh bear sleep?"

"Oh…fine, Mr. J," stammered Harley, surprised by his cheerfulness. "You…um…go somewhere last night?"

He nodded. "Yep. Just had some unfinished business to take care of, cupcake."

"Your suit's all bloody," said Harley. "You kill someone?"

He chuckled, nodding at the TV. Harley saw Jack Ryder standing in front of a small terraced house cordoned off by police tape. "…body has been identified as that of Jeannie Napier. Mrs. Napier's husband, Jack, was reported missing several years ago, and friends of Mrs. Napier claim that she never fully recovered from his loss and sank into a depression, although suicide is ruled out at this point in time. Photos recovered from Mrs. Napier's house suggest links to the Joker and Harley Quinn, although this is unconfirmed. The nature of the photographs, doctored to feature Mrs. Napier and the Joker together as a couple, suggest an unhealthy obsession with the supercriminal…"

Harley stared from the TV to the Joker. "She…faked the pictures?" she whispered.

He nodded. "Yep. She was crazy, Harl, just like I told ya."

"Then…she wasn't your wife?" said Harley, slowly.

Joker chuckled. "Doesn't matter, does it, baby?" he laughed. "She's dead now! I'm free and single once more!"

Harley stared at him. Then she beamed. "You ain't no such thing!" she laughed, jumping on top of him and spilling the cereal everywhere. "You're my Mr. J! My precious, precious puddin'," she breathed, kissing him. She gazed at his smiling face adoringly and then cuddled up on his chest, shutting her eyes. "My Joker," she whispered.

"That's who I am, baby," he murmured, stroking her hair and grinning. "And that's who I'll always be."

**The End**


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